THE SUM OF MY ALL

Hours....

I sit silently near the window
Promises of hope arch above the tall tress
extending to the hazy horizon...

Only feeling of emptiness left...
crystal pearls racing on my cheeks
from my worn-out mourning eyes.

What's the use  of those promises I see,
when trust was murdered inside of me?

Words became plain,hallow,
made up of dusty smoke,
easily blown by the wind,
nonsensical...

I would/should never bank on any word
that I hear anymore.

He liquidate the once tough,
solid foundation of my subtlety.

He whom I had entrusted my heart
never teasure it...
furthermore put it in a plastic pedestal;
a platform of fragmented fantasies.

Whence could I hold,
to stop sinking deep,
everyday-i'm drowning slowly.

Occurence came so fast,furiously
that I wasn't prepared

For hours that I sit here
beside the window
recalling the "what we used to have".
I surmise I had given my all.

and there is no word to ease
the tormenting emotion i'm feeling...
remembering the way he treated me

So low...
He threw me away so easy
inspite of my genuine love
Never in my synthetic nightmares
I imagined a man wield me this way

I,who was valued,loved,and cared
by the people who know me
couldnt  believe what fate has done.

pieces of me,wrecked by what I thought
an incomparable love,lay helplessly
in the periphery of dakness...

I wanted to scream but the pain smothered my voice
until I cannot speak...

I wanted to write but each world stabs my heart
recalling the price,the treatment I got in return
for giving my heart wholeheartedly.....

This is unfair...
It is so unfair...

After bestowing all my understanding
not a love that is symbiotic and
reciprocal I got in return...

Hence he showed  me
how LOW i am-
The sum of my prosaic self for him...

For one shining instant,
I was lost...
the darkness is vast..

and there in its belly
I found myself again...

No longer seeing my worth....
As a woman.